Driving in spirals

I've been told I run hot and cold, though, I doubt I need to be told this. I feel it. I feel the two extremes as I transition between them, though there is not even much of a transition. Just giant steps from one to the other. I have known for awhile that I periodically experience intense sadness and can't help but get caught in the downward spiral. Others can probably tell you that they end up feeling the affects of these experiences, too. I call them depressive episodes, though they are not clinically diagnosed. I have experienced enough of these at this point that I have learned to not be fatalistic about my heavy state. The cloud will lift again and I will experience an incredible new-found sense of purpose and industry. My awareness of my emotional states lead me to question whether I am not addicted to specific strong emotions that I strategize my behavior to produce them.

Introspection aside, there are possibly a lot of interesting stories to share, but I may save them for later. Mostly weighing on my mind is grad school. The one school I really want to go to did not accept me and after thinking about it some more, I realized I don't want to go to either of the other two. This realization led me to think about why I only wanted to go to Western, which turns out to probably be the location. I think I have lost steam on what I want to study, though partly because I have picked up a part time job and have been committing more of my time to that. A year ago, I was so certain, but now I have grown tired and weary of my progress. I still will study Psychology in some form, but for now I may have to focus on acquiring some income to pay off loans and bills. Next year I plan to try again, perhaps to study School or Educational Psych. Purpose and industry continue to dart around the corners out of sight.

Also, an announcement: If anyone in the Bay Area needs to run some errands with a vehicle or be driven somewhere during the week, I can help out. 714-595-1024

I am les sad

There isn't much more to say. I suppose I can think of reasons, but they just all mingle together and I can't keep them straight. Plus, I'd like to be sad without a reason. I want to be allowed an emotion without a specific reason. Just sad is all.