I ran yesterday after a week and a half off. In the past, a week and a half has not felt like a long time, since I've gone months and months without running sometimes. This time, I felt it all the way up into my brain.
It's been three weeks since the news of the office closing. The first week was optimistic, but last week was a tortuous spin out of control into 3 hour lunches, countless in-office powwows, and a bunch of frowns all around. I think I even let my brain "archive" all the information I need to perform my job without getting scatterbrained, so this week, one in which I've determined to be productive and motivated, I found work a little hard because of loss of information, not motivation. It is tough when management is talking about "bringing up the numbers" while the unquantifiable numbers of the work horses are sadly decreasing.
My point? Is there one? I can write a blog every now and then without a point, right? Well, my point is that I didn't run for a week and I also had the lowest, most unmotivated week at work as well. Chicken or the egg? Well, I find it's easier to finally push myself to put the running shoes on and enjoy the sunshine than to pull up that one document that has made me want to puke for the last 5 days.
Yesterday, we were sent home from the office a little after 1pm because there was a major power outage on our street. Getting home that early made me antsy and restless and I went out on a run, going farther than I usually do. When I got home, I folded laundry, took out the trash, and vacuumed. I'd also sent out my first resume and cover letter that morning while we still had power.
This brings up another theory. When I spend a full day at the office feeling unmotivated and unproductive, working on tasks that I feel DO NOT move me forward with my goals, by the time I get home I am unable to muster the energy to do anything. Because I never really "got started" so I can't maintain momentum if there has been no acceleration. And all I can say to that is, is it July 3 yet so I can move on with my life?
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
My ship is sinking...but floating on a raft doesn't sound so bad
Last Thursday, I received news that my office is closing. Completely. Entirely. Caput. Once the announcement and a few follow up words were said, I immediately raced to the bathroom to bawl for several minutes. I didn't want to go back in. I wanted to be furious and depressed and show them how horrible they were being. As soon as I finished that thought, the crying stopped. So I marched back in and went to another meeting, one for the "transition team" of about 15 people that are staying around until July 3. Everyone else had to pack up and leave that day.
My coworker said it all when he mentioned that it's not losing his job he's concerned about as much as he feels he is losing his family. It's true! We spend 1/3 of our lives and 1/2 of our average waking hours at the office. And like I said in the previous entry, I wouldn't be putting up with this cubicle if it weren't for the people I get to work with.
I left at 12pm on Thursday, intending to go grab a beer with Mike before packing for my weekend trip (Santa Cruz Island-Channel Islands National Park), and talked to my sister and my mom on the phone while waiting for him. Being away from the office, and also talking to my sister, gave me great perspective on my situation. The tears, I think, were really for my "family" and what they must be going through as well--individuals with families that most likely were relying on stability at their job for years to come, everyone who had to pack up and say goodbye for good that day, people away on vacation, mid-travel and maternity leave that wouldn't find out for another few hours or days. That's the part that tears me up inside. As far as I am concerned personally, I'm probably in the best situation out of anyone. I'm more relieved and excited than anything else. Here's why:
1. Wasn't my last blog post about how much I complain about my job and how miserable I am in a cubicle??? This is just the answer!
2. I don't have to worry anymore about compromising my loyalty to my company. While I was concerned about taking other jobs and making time in my schedule for more volunteer projects and ways to increase my foundation of knowledge in the psychology field because I felt I'd made a commitment to this company in every new responsibility I volunteered to take on, I don't have don't have to worry about those conflicting feelings anymore.
3. This is seriously the fire lit under my ass to make some bigger changes in my life and even lifestyle. I will no longer be a cube farm gopher!
4. Backpacking! I think I might take a little time off for some adventuring.
The best part about my feelings toward my situation is that I'm not scared. Yes, I'm a bit nervous, which is understandable and healthy, but my usual debilitating fear of the unknown is M.I.A. for this.
My heart goes out to those who may have fewer options and opportunities. But as my fortune cookie told me last month, "You will make change for the better." It couldn't have been more right.
My coworker said it all when he mentioned that it's not losing his job he's concerned about as much as he feels he is losing his family. It's true! We spend 1/3 of our lives and 1/2 of our average waking hours at the office. And like I said in the previous entry, I wouldn't be putting up with this cubicle if it weren't for the people I get to work with.
I left at 12pm on Thursday, intending to go grab a beer with Mike before packing for my weekend trip (Santa Cruz Island-Channel Islands National Park), and talked to my sister and my mom on the phone while waiting for him. Being away from the office, and also talking to my sister, gave me great perspective on my situation. The tears, I think, were really for my "family" and what they must be going through as well--individuals with families that most likely were relying on stability at their job for years to come, everyone who had to pack up and say goodbye for good that day, people away on vacation, mid-travel and maternity leave that wouldn't find out for another few hours or days. That's the part that tears me up inside. As far as I am concerned personally, I'm probably in the best situation out of anyone. I'm more relieved and excited than anything else. Here's why:
1. Wasn't my last blog post about how much I complain about my job and how miserable I am in a cubicle??? This is just the answer!
2. I don't have to worry anymore about compromising my loyalty to my company. While I was concerned about taking other jobs and making time in my schedule for more volunteer projects and ways to increase my foundation of knowledge in the psychology field because I felt I'd made a commitment to this company in every new responsibility I volunteered to take on, I don't have don't have to worry about those conflicting feelings anymore.
3. This is seriously the fire lit under my ass to make some bigger changes in my life and even lifestyle. I will no longer be a cube farm gopher!
4. Backpacking! I think I might take a little time off for some adventuring.
The best part about my feelings toward my situation is that I'm not scared. Yes, I'm a bit nervous, which is understandable and healthy, but my usual debilitating fear of the unknown is M.I.A. for this.
My heart goes out to those who may have fewer options and opportunities. But as my fortune cookie told me last month, "You will make change for the better." It couldn't have been more right.
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