I ran yesterday after a week and a half off. In the past, a week and a half has not felt like a long time, since I've gone months and months without running sometimes. This time, I felt it all the way up into my brain.
It's been three weeks since the news of the office closing. The first week was optimistic, but last week was a tortuous spin out of control into 3 hour lunches, countless in-office powwows, and a bunch of frowns all around. I think I even let my brain "archive" all the information I need to perform my job without getting scatterbrained, so this week, one in which I've determined to be productive and motivated, I found work a little hard because of loss of information, not motivation. It is tough when management is talking about "bringing up the numbers" while the unquantifiable numbers of the work horses are sadly decreasing.
My point? Is there one? I can write a blog every now and then without a point, right? Well, my point is that I didn't run for a week and I also had the lowest, most unmotivated week at work as well. Chicken or the egg? Well, I find it's easier to finally push myself to put the running shoes on and enjoy the sunshine than to pull up that one document that has made me want to puke for the last 5 days.
Yesterday, we were sent home from the office a little after 1pm because there was a major power outage on our street. Getting home that early made me antsy and restless and I went out on a run, going farther than I usually do. When I got home, I folded laundry, took out the trash, and vacuumed. I'd also sent out my first resume and cover letter that morning while we still had power.
This brings up another theory. When I spend a full day at the office feeling unmotivated and unproductive, working on tasks that I feel DO NOT move me forward with my goals, by the time I get home I am unable to muster the energy to do anything. Because I never really "got started" so I can't maintain momentum if there has been no acceleration. And all I can say to that is, is it July 3 yet so I can move on with my life?
I was in a similiar stuck position for the last several months of Curves. I woke up each morning and if it was a day i had to be a the club (most days) i was in a frozen state most of the time up until i had to leave. i couldnt start anything productive, all i could do was dink around counting the hours until i had to hop in the shower, get dressed and move out the door. it seems stupid now but i was so unhappy and stressed and that seemed to hold me prisoner. on the days i did not have to be at the club, i woke up early, raced thru all the projects called 'home work" and sang loud and long and was productive and happy and at peace.
ReplyDeletei dont have a point here either other than i get ya honey. hang in there.
sorry dear. this sounds like the debilitating ex-boyfriend that you are still shacking up wiht for financial reasons until you can afford your own place to start anew and get a chance at happiness again. We've all been there, haven't we? And it seems long and it SUX. In the meantime, figure out what you really want and make serious plans to get it. It's open waters out there and this is your life raft off the sinking ship. I'm boarding it with you, dude. Exciting, no?
ReplyDeleteThanks, ladies. I am excited and pretty optimistic, but I still get stuck looking down into the muddy waters. And it's definitely one of those days. The weekend is almost here, so things are looking brighter.
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