My ship is sinking...but floating on a raft doesn't sound so bad

Last Thursday, I received news that my office is closing. Completely. Entirely. Caput. Once the announcement and a few follow up words were said, I immediately raced to the bathroom to bawl for several minutes. I didn't want to go back in. I wanted to be furious and depressed and show them how horrible they were being. As soon as I finished that thought, the crying stopped. So I marched back in and went to another meeting, one for the "transition team" of about 15 people that are staying around until July 3. Everyone else had to pack up and leave that day.

My coworker said it all when he mentioned that it's not losing his job he's concerned about as much as he feels he is losing his family. It's true! We spend 1/3 of our lives and 1/2 of our average waking hours at the office. And like I said in the previous entry, I wouldn't be putting up with this cubicle if it weren't for the people I get to work with.

I left at 12pm on Thursday, intending to go grab a beer with Mike before packing for my weekend trip (Santa Cruz Island-Channel Islands National Park), and talked to my sister and my mom on the phone while waiting for him. Being away from the office, and also talking to my sister, gave me great perspective on my situation. The tears, I think, were really for my "family" and what they must be going through as well--individuals with families that most likely were relying on stability at their job for years to come, everyone who had to pack up and say goodbye for good that day, people away on vacation, mid-travel and maternity leave that wouldn't find out for another few hours or days. That's the part that tears me up inside. As far as I am concerned personally, I'm probably in the best situation out of anyone. I'm more relieved and excited than anything else. Here's why:

1. Wasn't my last blog post about how much I complain about my job and how miserable I am in a cubicle??? This is just the answer!

2. I don't have to worry anymore about compromising my loyalty to my company. While I was concerned about taking other jobs and making time in my schedule for more volunteer projects and ways to increase my foundation of knowledge in the psychology field because I felt I'd made a commitment to this company in every new responsibility I volunteered to take on, I don't have don't have to worry about those conflicting feelings anymore.

3. This is seriously the fire lit under my ass to make some bigger changes in my life and even lifestyle. I will no longer be a cube farm gopher!

4. Backpacking! I think I might take a little time off for some adventuring.

The best part about my feelings toward my situation is that I'm not scared. Yes, I'm a bit nervous, which is understandable and healthy, but my usual debilitating fear of the unknown is M.I.A. for this.

My heart goes out to those who may have fewer options and opportunities. But as my fortune cookie told me last month, "You will make change for the better." It couldn't have been more right.